A Clever Solution

As posted earlier in the week, there have been an increased number of alligator sightings in our area, as a result of record rainfall creating favorable conditions for unusual migration patterns. The Indiana Wildlife Federation has found themselves overwhelmed with reports and requests for assistance over the past few days. Due to the economical struggle, they were unable to hire the extra staff necessary to assist residents with removal of their uninvited, amphibious guests.

However, fear not! Kevin Donaldson of the IWF released a statement today, assuring residents that hard economic times would not result in a compromise of Hoosier safety. The government, in an unprecedented move, has commissioned a fleet of brown bears to patrol the northern half of Indiana, as well as parts of Illinois, to fend off any encroaching alligators. Donaldson explains, "We needed an equally intimidating and territorial animal to drive out the hoards of alligators that have been migrating north. Bears seemed a natural choice."

An all out brawl has ensued between the alligators and bears, though the IWF speculates the latter will be victorious due to their driving sense of pride and determination. No word yet on how they plan to remove the bears from the area once the dust settles.